I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
