i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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