im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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