I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
