So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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