I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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