Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
