Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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