So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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