so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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