some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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