I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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