I think I died a long time ago.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
