I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
