STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
