when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
