she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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