She's JV to your varsity
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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