I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
