I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
