Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize