Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
