I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
