just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
