I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
