my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
