Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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