why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize