I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
