Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
