You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
