i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
