I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
