dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
