A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
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All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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