Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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