mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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