i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize