I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
