I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize