Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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