Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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