I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
