btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
