My room smells like vodka and shame
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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