my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
