dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
