I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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