why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
