i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
