Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
