Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
