He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
