I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize