I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
