I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
