this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
