I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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