Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
