I just pynch a tree in the face
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
