my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
