I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
