dude i'm inner monologue high
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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