i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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