Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize