Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
