she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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