So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
