So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
