i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize