Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i would punch a child for taco bell
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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