He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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