I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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