Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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