I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
