i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
