Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
