dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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