he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
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