I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
