I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i now understand why vodka
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
