upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
