I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
