She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
