Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hippo gnu deer
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
