She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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