Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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