literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
