some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
