I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
