I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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