I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
