I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
