Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize