I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
