Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
