"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
