I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
