guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
