If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
