I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
