You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Still dying that you shit outside
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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