She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
