then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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