Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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