Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
