So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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