Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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