the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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