theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
there was a trapeze. enough said
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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